betrayal

Really?

"possible pre-cancerous cells" Who the hell wants to hear that?
My first response was "shut up and get out of my exam room sir". Then I thought "thats not what people say after being in there". I'm totally gonna write a standup comedy routine for this. For now though I'm going to eat these oreos and pretend everythings okay.

p.s- women of the world I now know what its like to have a pap smear. I just wish someone had photographed my face while getting it.
Oh and now when I get asked "top or btm" I get to say "top, doctors orders". (I've always just said "I'm a sideways" for shiggles
p.s.s.- I think this whole experience couldn't get more hilarious

Ridic

So Good news I got a new day job! Its at Agami in midtown! Wooo stop by for some sushi and say hello :)

In Memory

"Who Betta Than Kanyon??!!!??"

Christopher Klucsaritis (January 4, 1970 – April 2, 2010) was an American professional wrestler, best known for his work in World Championship Wrestling and the World Wrestling Federation, under the ring names Chris Kanyon (or simply Kanyon) and Mortis.

To me he was chris, and I'd like to share a memory.
On a sunny Atlanta afternoon chris showed up in the burb of conyers, in an older black convertible. With a fan shirt (of himself) on and that childlike twinkle in his eyes. He opened the door for me, and I hopped right in. We made small talk to avert the awkwardness (we met on gay.com lol) but just as we started to feel comfortable we heard a loud POP! He slowly pulled over with his face reddened and his voice silenced. As beyonce blared from the speakers he instructed me to stay in the car while he handled it. Of course I didn't listen. He dug through scattered promo/autograph photos of himself for the jack, and we joked that he should try and just lift the car himself. We pulled into the closest autozone called a cab and were on our way again. Over deep dish pizza and during some movie I don't remember, he told me tales of howard stern(who he listened to religiously) and of his "glory days". I waited for this monologue to stop knowing he prob tells it to everyone, and was just trying to impress me. What did impress me was when he opened up about his studies, and his eagerness to help people. What worried me was his dark side made clear by the prescription bottles he explained away. He wasn't shy about his battle with depression and I remember not really knowing what to say. An old wrestling buddy of his picked us up and took us to get the car. During that ride their interactions explained so much about why he was always "on". The macho-ness,the jokes out of nowhere. There was always this endearing sense of play with chris. I wish I could remember more details but that sunny day seems so far away. I remember it being the same week as the Atlanta gay film festival, I remember it was when I met Rupaul and Mike Ritz, and I will always remember how gentle/kindhearted he was.

I still don't know how to react to his going. You do find yourself wondering if instead of not knowing what to say you had said some magical sentence that would have comforted him then maybe he would still be here. Which is ridiculous but I cant help but go there. Suicide really upsets me. I mean I get it, but come on. We all have that little bit of hope left in Pandora's box. So don't give up. I know when I'm at my lowest I reach out, and try to find someone to live for. So try that at least. Live for the fact that if you go it will break my heart, and I only have so many bandaids left.

Beard

Check it out. Its Me If I had a Beard.

March!!! Spring is a Comin!

Here Are Some photos From today's fun-ness. They're modern clowns. American, African , and French.

They're also my reaction to someone saying "I think hes only into white boys."

I'm trying to say a few things.
-clowns make jokes and light of situations, so its an obvious symbol
-white face is a play on black face, so again obvious

I've run into this many many times in my life, and its never stopped being funny. I know many multiracial people who came out white looking, and many who came out darker than me. But because one of our parents is black (its hardly ever because one is white) we're thrown out of many dating pools. So I decided to paint my face white and make assclowns out of them. Its my way of saying "What about now? Am I good enough now?" Which will always be SUCH a twisted joke.

P.S.- Vogue Italy is trippin'. Black face editorals are fine I get that. To make a whole black section is not. Its separatism. Like how many schools had separate black and white proms or black and white talent shows. Its like saying its the same difference as men and women having two different sporting events for the same sport.

Happy Valentines!

Well its past but I soo need to catch up. I was totally bummed out after I wrote someone a poem and recieved no response what so ever. Where I come from, when someone does something for you, a thank you is the polite thing to do.
**Update**
After forever I received a thank you. Forever = a week in a gay man's dramatic dictionary. Lesson Learned - Don't waste too much time trying to brighten up a stranger's day. Only because you have no idea what makes them happy, and the thought only counts for so much.

On the up side heres a photo I'm happy to post. It references elizabethan romance, and tomatoes were once called love apples ( with aphrodisiac (al?) properties) p.s.- don't drink the night before hahaha you can see it in my eyes. The photo took on a diff meaning for me after Lee Mcqueen did the unthinkable and left us. I remember writing him a fan letter in 10th grade (the only fan letter I've ever written). I'd like to think he read it. He will be missed.